On the film you haven't seen until now, or why do I use so many contractions?

It felt like letting go or refocusing the lens. A dramatic change of atmosphere, so rich you can feel the differences rushing in like a strong gust of wind that gusts across your mainsails. So acute it swoops through your hair. You try to chase it, follow it as it flies from your tongue, but it moves to fast, and your mind cant create a concept fast enough to categorize the feeling, sort it, and throw it into an old, moldy box.

It is like growing up and rediscovering how young you are again. It clears out that stagnant feeling. It bleaches the whites in creativity. It's liberating and challenging all at once, and it's never what you thought it would be. It's not always wonderful, and it's not always like in the hallmark cards. But its your life, the one thing you think of when you think of your life. Synonymous. Its worth going back to school again for, worth the life changeover. You know, at age 30, they say you go through your first midlife crisis, where you change your life dramatically, you move to Tibet, cut out dairy products, write treatises on tiny grains of white rice. Either you change at 30, or you stay the same until your 35. I remember reading about this last year. How final it all seemed, as if we were living in a "Logan's Run" environment. How I kept waiting for my palm to flash red.

There are books that will tell you about love, that thing I am talking about. Love to me is like a film you've waited all your life to see, that others prevented you from seeing. It's as good as they say it is for sure, but with it comes all of these problems. You've waited for so long to see the film that you built up all of these impressions on what it was going to be like, and now its real. It moved from from the fantastical to the actual. But it changes, it's a completely non-linear film. It morphs, accumulates in body parts. It gets its circulation cut off, like you arm after you've slept on it all night. The dialogue of this film you've wanted to see all your life and you've just seen, is continously evolving, becoming more intricate then decompressing. And once you've seen this film, you are never the same again. And that first version of the film you saw, the one with the cheap special effects and the overblown dialogue, that's the one you'll remember for the rest of your, well hell, I cant say life because I haven't lived it yet. How can people make such sweeping generalized statements that reflect lifelong situations when one hasn't lived out their entire lives yet? Ah well, something to think about on your morning commute, in between bowel movements, waiting for the ants to clear off of your heroin spoon.